Relationships

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Inevitably, unless you intend on being single or becoming a crazy cat lady, you’re going to move in with your partner, you might even develop a relationship with your current house mate.

Relationships should be encouraged in a living environment. There’s no need to be afraid of moving in with a partner (Well…unless you feel your partner may have psychotic tendencies and the next morning you’ll wake up with no skin!). A boyfriend/girfriend/fiancee can provide an extremely supportive and encouraging environment to live in, they provide a sounding board for ideas, gentle pushes when we don’t want to do things that we know we should.

However, certain cautions must be taken around particular issues.

  • Finances
  • Rent
  • Shopping
  • Gender differences
  • Household duties
  • Miscommunication
  • Social Differences

Keep your head. These are things that are always going to come up in a relationship, but due to different genders, different upbringings, different viewpoints, different opinions, conflict is bound to arise. Discuss them calmly and rationally. If things get out of hand, don’t be stupid and think you can keep a calm rational head while you’re seething. Take a minute or two out and have a breather.

I personally am against the leaving the house option. I’m also against going to bed on the tail of an unresolved argument. I prefer to resolve the problem then and there. If we can’t find a resolution for the issue, then we will agree to disagree. I think a lot of people forget this fact, or ignore the ideal altogether. You don’t have to agree on everything. Every conversation does not have to lead to both parties agreeing, arguments are exactly the same. If after three to four minutes of revisiting the topic in the same conversation the other party still doesn’t see your point of view, try agreeing to disagree. Then cuddle.

It is important that a cuddle comes at the end of every argument. It’s closure, it’s comfort, it’s showing that “Yes, we fought- but I still love you.” If you’re too mad for a cuddle, walk away for a minute, breathe deep, remind yourself why you love that person- then head back.

I’ve found money to be the largest cause for concern, unless you’re pulling over 70k a year, and leading an average non-high spending life. Money is a stickler. If you don’t need to buy shopping, you need petrol, if you don’t need petrol, you need to get your car fixed, while your car is broken you’ll need to take public transport. There is so much potential here for arguments it’s not funny.

Discuss. Just try talking about it all as it comes. Explain how you want to deal with it, ask how your partner wants to deal with it. Realise that you’re each there for a support network. Don’t bottle it up until it becomes too much to handle. Get it out, regularly.

Talk. Always always talk. Communication is key.

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When it all goes bad… (Romance and Room mates)

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Our house is currently a war zone. Two of the armies involved are in tears, shots have been fired and casualties are high on both sides. The cease-fire has still not been called, both sides have made a temporary retreat and are being consoled by the United Nations (that would be me and my partner).

Living with a boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance or husband/wife has exceptionally beneficial circumstances. You always come home to someone who has “Counselor” as a prerequisite in the “Relationship Skills” section of your dating history. You have a constant source of cuddles, kisses, movie companion, dining companion and a (hopefully) life long fulfilling partnership worth everything to you.

So what do you do when these living circumstances sour? When one side or the other either cheats, or sometimes worse, falls out of love? Do you have a fail safe? Do you have any plans beyond the immediate? What do you do when you have no where else to go? What if you’re stuck?

One side of said war party wants to work things out. The other war party wants out, period. The current situational conflict? They moved down to Victoria, together, without a friend base or network. However the first war party is less confident than the second, and is finding making alliances and crossing borders to be difficult. The second, well let’s just say the second War Party is back at home base creating networks.

To further the problem? They are in a lease that lasts another 10 months.

So what do you do when you lose the one you love and live together? Two options. Suck it up or ship out. Either you work your sweet little butt off to work things out- Or you leave. No, you can’t be friends. No, you can’t bring your new partner home. The first is cruel to yourself, the second is cruel to your ex-partner.

You can try ignoring the ex-partner, as long as you both agree to a cease-fire and gag order. Otherwise one party is always trying to initiate and the other just wants to run.

For now, the fields of battle have quieted.

What do you think? Can you live with an ex? Have you ever made it work?